When my mom died the November before last, I was beyond out of my mind. I didn't know how I could make it through the day of her funeral. Or the first Christmas. Or any day, really.
It was the first time in my life where I really understood that numb feeling people use to describe the loss of a loved one. Life would not be the same after November 2, 2008, and I knew it. Little moments were going to be forever changed. And big moments, too.
In the last 17 months, not a day has passed without several thoughts about my mom and her influence on my life. Visual reminders at the grocery store or seeing vehicles that look like ones she drove send my head spinning into endless memories — some happy, some sad. Almost every big decision I make comes along with considering, "What would Mom say about this?"
While getting groceries yesterday, I stood in the checkout line next to a huge display of Easter candy. It was an instant trigger that reminded me of the annual purchase of Peeps my mom would make for my Easter basket, even though she knew I never ate them. Having the sugar-covered marshmallow birds and bunnies in a basket also filled with tons of other candy and gifts was part of the tradition.
I really hate Peeps. But my mom loved them, so she would give them to me knowing she could have a few of them without me caring. An Easter without Peeps just wouldn't be an Easter for my mom.
Seeing those Peeps at the grocery store was just another little reminder of how much my mom contributed to making my life a full and happy one for all of the years she was here to enjoy. I miss my mom every day, and I'll never forget the little things that made her so special, including her love of some of the most disgusting holiday candy ever made.
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