Fearing the lisp

You know when you get so nervous your hands start to shake and you could swear gravity has taken control of your guts? Yeah, well, that happened to me today.

I was required to host a Webinar in which I had to introduce people via speakerphone. While none of these people had names that started with the letter S, you would swear the presentation was brought to you by that very letter. When I was forced to listen to the recorded version back for editing — I hate listening to my voice more than sucking on a lemon — I could swear there were six thousand slithering snakes taking over the audio.

I'm not sure why hearing your own voice is such a cringe-inducing activity, but I know I'm not alone. I'm not alone, right? I know the words sound just like doctor and director and presenter to everyone else, but to me they sound like ssssdocssssstorssssss, sssssdirsssssectsssssssssorsssss and ssssssspressssssssentersssssssss. It. Was. Awful.

Maybe my personal mental block has something to do with the two or three years of regular speech therapy I went through as a child. Or maybe I really do lisp in a way that sounds are processed by my ears — the ones that want to bleed at the sounds that emit from the mouth splitting the difference between them.

More likely, at least I hope, is the fact I'm like every other warm- and/or cold-blooded American. I just can't stand the sound of my own voice. But, if I do have a terrible lisp, please just lie to me and say I don't. Either way, I won't believe a word you say.